Saying "I'm Sorry"

Confession: I am a fan of P!nk’s (the artist) new album, “Trustfall.” One of the songs on the album that speaks directly to me right now is her song, “Just Say I’m Sorry.” 

Just say I'm sorry

It's not the hardest thing to do

Just say you're wrong sometimes

And I'd believe you 'cause I love you

Just say I'm sorry

Everybody wants to be

The one who's right

Everybody wants the last word to end the fight

Every day is a new day with a chance to choose

Sometimes the way you win

Is to say you lose

When I hear this song I feel all the feels - all the wishes and longings that those who have hurt me would do this very thing, just say “I’m sorry.”  Unfortunately, having “apologized” to a sibling or friend at our parent’s “request” during our childhood, we know that the words themselves don’t always convey actual repentance and empathy. I know I have said those very words with the sole intent of just getting out of trouble!

Saying “I’m sorry” is just one step in the sacred work of repentance and reconciliation we are called to as Christ’s body. In his second letter to the Corinthians, Paul tells his readers that we are called with a holy calling to continue the work of reconciliation that Christ started: ”So, if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation” (5:17-18).

I think it is more common to hear about how we ought to forgive than how we ought to repent and apologize - which  leads to a rather challenging understanding of forgiveness in which the one who was harmed is also the one who must fix. But, what if both forgiveness and repentance belong together as parts of the work of reconciliation we are called to? 

Danya Ruggenber, in her book On Repentance and Repair: Making Amends in an Unapologetic World gives five steps for repenting from harm to others:

Step 1: Naming and owning harm.

Step 2: Starting to change.

Step 3: Restitution and Accepting Consequences.

Step 4: Apology.

Step 5: Making different choices.

This is the kind of apology we want from those who have harmed us, but it is also the very kind that is so hard to make to those we have harmed! Step 1 is the real doozy - it takes feeling some pretty dark and painful things to own the ways in which we have harmed other parts of God’s precious creation, be that human, flora, or fauna. But, we have a God who has not only called us to the ministry of reconciliation, but who has given us the Spirit to walk beside us as we do the hard work of saying “I’m sorry.”

As we at Phillips are actively engaged in the work of opening ourselves and our community in radical hospitality to persons who have been systematically excluded from church, we know we are made up of folks who have been harmed and who have harmed. Sometimes those folks are one and the same! We have to face the reality that in our transitions of the past few years we have hurt others, and in not standing up for the radical welcome that God extends to all people, we have hurt others. 

Phillips family, let us pray together that God would strengthen us for the work of saying “I’m sorry” where we have harmed in order to continue the reconciling work of Christ. Let us pray that we might hold fast to God’s grace as we head forward making different choices that are more reflective of God’s overflowing, never ending love and grace to all folks.

Blessings,

Pastor Amy